Love Song

If you were a rug, I’d beat you for sure,
knock you senseless, and wash my hands.
If you were a rope, I’d cut the cord
because the quicker you hit bottom is the quicker you land.

If you were a lady’s pump, I’d melt the glue,
it’s hard to run when you’ve got one heel.
If you were a finger, I’d light a match for you
and hold it right below until you feel.

If you were Vicks, I’d spread you on my chest
so I could breathe more easily, humidified and free.
And if you were a towel, I’d wrap you round my neck
and hold your healing power in me.

Yes, if you loved anything more than rum
I sure would be feeling pretty guilty.
And if you had the depth to love anyone
how I wish that someone was me.